Darkness

It's been pretty messed up lately. I've been pretty messed up lately. There is a heaviness that has gotten very hard to deal with. The worst of it started around last year in the spring. November was pretty much hell. December, ugh don't get me started on December. It really felt like I was gonna end it all at that point. Heck, I feel that way even now as I write. It is getting worse as the days progress.
Every day I woke up it was dark; so f*cking dark. The weather didn't help the mood either, but that really doesn't matter to me. Even on sunny days I tend to feel worse. Why does the earth be yellow when I'm so gray.
I'm not one that blames people for my issues. The one thing I will say is living and dealing with negative people constantly really wears on your soul.
I'm also not where I want to be in life. No, I'm not just sitting around waiting for it to fall in my lap, so take that accusation and shove it. I'm working really hard to get to where I wanna go. I'm sick of relatives comparing me to there stupid successful kids. I'm so glaaaad that you're precious children went to freaking college, have a car, etc. I just got my license like, 6 months ago. I don't have a car yet. I'm saving. But I will. I guess I feel rushed by everyone. It's like they're pushing me to be someone soon; I'm 25 I should be doing something great by now blah blah blah. I don't/can't work on their time table. I'm doing what I can with what I have.
For your information: not everyone is meant to be great; maybe I'm one of those people.