Enough of the jokes

What I mean is life is the joke! Seriously, I'm so fed up with being compared to my cousins and relatives, or any successful person for that matter, because I'm some loser that isn't contributing to society. "Oh, you didn't go to college?" or "you don't have your license?" or "What do you want to do with your life?" I’m so SICK and tired of hearing about it. I know what I want to do, there are so many things that I want to do but I'm literally stuck. I can't do them because it's virtually impossible to do so from my education (home-schooled) and my status in life. I have NOTHING and I am a NOTHING.

I didn't have a chance from the moment I was conceived, if you want to get that exact. The moment my sperm won with the egg I was ******. I kid you not. I wish I was aborted, or maimed, or killed, because quite frankly I'm sick of hearing how everybody is so much better than me. "I will never amount to anything" because I'm a "weird", "shy" person who can't leave the house without having a panic attack. “Oh you're so weird." Or "How will you be able to join the Army if you can't even go out in public?" I'm so sick of their assuming judgment. How do they know what I'm capable of doing? Sure, I do have panic when I'm around them; but that's only because I know they assume I will act shy and weird so I have to carry it out. Because so help me if I act differently than what I usually do, they assume I'm all better, or my personal favorite, "getting out of my shell." I'M NOT IN A SHELL!

My main anger is mainly with the comparing of me to other people. Not that there's much to compare me with. I'm a loser if I haven't been told that already. I'm sick of relatives turning their noses to me because I'm not in college, have my license, or that I'm not actively pursuing college as my next alternative. I know they look down on me. I want to punch them all in the face. "Oh, my child is in college with a job or two and you're just some home-schooled ignorant freak that doesn't have a job or anything.

My blood boils.

I'm about to lose it, I really am.

People think I have no direction to my life and that I enjoy not having a life. Yeah right, I would kill to be out there doing stuff like my other peers. But NOOO, I have to live in this person called "me," and I HATE her.